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Oral Sex
"It's an oral sex epidemic: in schools across the country, children as young as twelve are engaging in oral sex."
"At some oral sex parties, boys line up in "trains," with each boy being serviced by a girl."
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows...0020507_b.jhtml |
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| akb1979 |
Damn! Not only did I go to the wrong school, but also live in the wrong country! :D
On a serious note - don't these kids know of the health risks involved? Ok, oral sex is no doubt enjoyable (for most people), but surely they are aware of the risks? I hate to think of all those STD & STI's roaming out there. |
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| Christina |
LOL, too funny! -The first part was anyway, just the . . .(ahem . . .)
Well, I think they are aware of risks that are shoved at them on black and white pamphlets or thrust at them on TV (and surely at that age EVERYTHING feels like it's being forced down their throats -(No pun intended!) It's impossible for them not to be aware of STDs and pregnancy. But they lack skills for true understanding of true life consequences or to analytically understand thier actions in the first place.
They (and am only speaking an opinion in the most general of terms-Don't mean to categroize or offend) have not the proper tools of maturity and experience to understand first of all: why they are even doing this. And also lack understanding that this will not improve their inward/outward image or self worth or make them any better person than they were before- They have only compounded their pressures and problems now.
And even if they are simply "trying on an image for size" as everyone does at that age, their image should have little to do with sex and more to do with emotional stabilty and a sense of purpose -these will come from within themselves, will have nothing to do with another human being (I am thinking more on the girls as boys just seem . . . well why wouldn't they grab at this fine opportunity? Seems like the only thing that has changed here in present times from the past is that the girls used to have the "motherly" role of saying "no, no, bad boy, this isn't right") It must be an emotional issue. Perhaps it's a want of acceptance or that they are equating this with "love." Even adults can make that mistake so why not children?
Also, there is that sex itself seems to have taken a different turn in a desensitized sort of way -some women have said they'll have one night stands "as men do" because they can and they toot thier horns off about this happily, "independently" (perhaps some of them too, equate things mistakenly. As independence and equality defintions seem to be somehow just a tiny bit off and different in my mind. I am happy to have the CHOICE as a woman to have a one night stand, that is a wonderful freedom, but my independence would not suffer if I chose oppositely to refrain from sexual acts or find a man more experienced than I, or if I chose to live a more "conventionally accepted" lifestyle, anything where I was the "humbler" or "softer" being-Those are powerful choices too simply for being choices at all)
As a consequnece it feels sometimes like everyone is having brief happy, jollies but that not many people are truly emotionally connecting or realizing the potential of the sexual act -The highest form of emotional expression. And so surely such casual attitudes (hearing your big sister come home bragging she has one more boy "a notch on her bed post" per say--will stick with a girl trying to find her way? Also I have seen some who eqaute their identity with their sexual prowess--Not a pretty thing to see when they hit 50 and they aren't what they used to be, because it comes to: who are they now? they don't know) Surely such casual attitudes are filtered downward?
Not to mention does our casual attitude give the younger more pressure to deal with? If the girl said no to the boy one hundered years ago, would there be any question as to why? If she said no to him now . . . Well might she not feel compelled in this life around her, to have solid reasons for saying so? Might she not feel more pressured to do it when it's true things are more acceptable now and she can make mistakes? (perhaps knowing she will easily be forgiven is as much a pressure as a relief in this instance) And more pressure still, knowing the girl in the next class might do it if she doesn't and she just MUST have this boy (at that age you MUST have the boy you like!)
And lastly, at that young age you do can't know that in fifteen years you will still feel as empty or unfulfilled as you did when you started the "fun" (if that had been your reason for doing it anyway, to fill yourself and find yourself) or that you still have that view and self esteem you had then, perhaps now you feel even more out of place and unfulfilled or misunderstood. There is also that you are confused that no man you did this with (by now it has come the sexual act itslef with which to rationalize) had eqauted it with love as you did. (Not saying this is true for all as most of us in the world seem to have a grip on what's what and know there are no "qucik fixes" in life, emotional or otherwise -But this could be a possibilty for some who are more lost than others and have no sense of purpose; the little girls doing this might be those very people)
Guess I went and forgot to mention family structure and its importance in growth to a child, will leave that for another day!
Okay so this was a cool topic (well sad but I mean in the context of "provoking" or "different") But honsetly I wonder if women wouldn't chop it up better for you and really lend it the life and respect it derves as a potential tool for understanding and prevention (yes a very sexist thing to say!) -Problem is, getting the "proper" type of women to view "Oral sex" in the first place . . . hmm, a quandary indeed!
Christina |
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| Christina |
I would have replied to the other thread but it was closed. SO . . .
Anyway, to the other gentleman who responded: well I'm not sure what we should be talking about then: if twelve year olds are doing it? Or if they are doing it well. Big difference. That kind of view feels more like a matter of performance rating and is irrelevant to the heart of the issue for parents: If they are doing it at all. I guess I honestly don't care how good my eleven year old daughter is at it, I would just care if her mouth came anywhere near this particualr region of another body (yes I do know prevention all goes back to my parenting skills with her). -And honestly, does a 14 year old boy really care about professionalism here?
As far as trains and things -honestly I don't know how true or common that is either but certainly won't discount it.
Bad life choices CAN start quite early without the proper family support structure though. I can't personally speak for a twelve year old but on fourteen year olds, I have some insight. That's where mine started and so by 16 I had a child -This perhaps why I do not find this topic/idea inconceivable.
Anyway, I liked your post (despite how mine might come out -I simply like to discuss things from different angles is all -I respect any view, love a discussion of opinions more than most anything)- I'd never thought of the "scare" view; interesting and something to consider even if cynical and "conspiracy" like. Doubt I will post on this one again (kind of "feels" like a man's discussion even if it WAS on Oprah!) but I thank you for your comments if for no other reason than their illustration that many people do not believe this to even be fact.
:) |
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| Claudberta |
As a mother of teens, from 13-19 there is a great deal of information I seriously do not want to know about my kids. But I am not an idiot... I am a single Mom who has been both mother/father to my children, this means I had to do the sex talk with both the males and females. There is no great difference in the sexes when it comes to talking about what is 'acceptable behavior' for my children.
There is one thing that parents often forget to tell their children when giving the "sex talk" and that is self respect as well as respecting others. The other is a VERY INDEPTH dicussion & picture show of every STD you can find.
Do I believe there are 12 yo girls attempting oral sex? Yes, even in the small rural town where I live there are young girls who are known for doing so...the question is why?
We can debate and discuss it to death, but the question still remains as to why are these kids doing it? How has sex become so casual? In an attempt to not make our children less repressed have we gone to far on the other side of the coin? Have we as a society not fed our children enough information on STD's and transmission of diseases ?
I think back to when I was 12, there was no discussion on HIV, yet now the disease is very real. I can only ponder as to what the next generation will have to deal with.:confused:
Claudberta |
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| AuthorZone.Com |
Well, stop and think about it for a bit.
Children, at a certain age, become sexual, and need sex just like adults.
What society has done, though their savage-morals, is to make sex evil and a sin and as a result our children grow up confused, sexually and mentally frustrated, and many of them have no idea why they feel so miserable. But with the age of liberty comes knowledge, and children learn that sex IS natural and ti be had by anyone who desires it, and they do so.
Instead of teaching kids not to have sex, we should teach the how to have sex safely and properly. |
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| Claudberta |
Children do not need sex, as adults we do not need sex. We will not die without it (maybe be as frustrated as all get out ;0 ) It is a want, urge, itch that feels like it needs scratched, but never a need.
I do not agree that all children should have sex, for that matter there are some adults that should be ticketed for having sex. :) With sex comes a responsibility, unless you are willing to accept the consequences and can properly deal with the consequences of your actions.
Mental maturity plays a large role in sex, these young girls are seeking out acceptance by becoming receptacles for semen. These young men that are "standing" in line were not taught properly how to respect a woman, nor was the young girl taught how to respect herself. I do not blame them, I pity them and any young person that seeks a social acceptance by any community of people through sex. |
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| AuthorZone.Com |
Sex is needed for mental health, period.
I had sex at 9 years old with a 19 year old and I never regret it. I was caught mastubating in a stream while on summer vacation where i would tend sheep for one of the twon's sheep families.
She came over and went down on me and it was absolutely awsome. I was masturbating because I was horny. I will write a short story on it some day.
But rest assured, humans have made many mistakes and held wrong beliefs about many things and stil do. Again, read my sig. |
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| Claudberta |
It is all cool, I am sure most of us have found pleasure by the age of 10 males and females. I had different beliefs when I was 18 as compared to today, because now I am the mother of children old enough to engage in sex.. it's a whole new ballgame.
Yes, maybe we both should read your sig again ;) |
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| AuthorZone.Com |
| I am also a parent and I share your concerns. perhaps as much as you since we are both parents of girls. |
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| Claudberta |
| True, but my oldest is a boy aand my concern is also there. I have to trust in my ability as a parent to have given them all as much information as possible. Now I have to allow them to live their lives and trust I did a well enough job in parenting. |
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| Miss Angel |
I am the mother of FIVE wonderful children. All of whom are under the age of 9. When I was younger my mother never educated me on sex or anything that even remotely involved sexual issues. So, therefore I think that I made a lot of wrong choices in my life. Now as an adult I believe that my children should learn to just simply be themselves. I will educate them, I will talk to them. Together we will discuss things like pregnancy, STD's, periods, and all other sexual topics. And all that I can do as a parent is hope that they as individuals make the right decision. But I also hope to be the parent that they KNOW they can come and talk to, even if they feel that they have done something wrong.
Also, I feel that a lot of parents tend to display the image that sex is a bad thing until you are married. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I just know that whatever decision that my children make, I will be here 100% to back them up, even if I do not agree with what they are doing.
For instance if one of my children came home at the age of 12 and said "Mom, I just learned how to give a blow job at this party." At first I am sure that I would be RAGING mad. I mean it's your litte girl/boy, you just can't see them doing things like this. But then as a responsible parent I would go to great lengths to make sure that they understand the responsibilities that revolve around sex. Also, making sure that my children know about contraceptives and that they DO NOT prevent STD's. I think that by this and by the examples that you set forth in your lives that children will leave your home educated on sex and know that it is ok to have sex, feel comfortable with it, but also be able to make the RIGHT decisions at whatever age they happen to be!
Miss Angel |
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| SandyLayne |
Hang on a sec!
Sex is not necessary for mental health. Egads. Sex screws up more people on planet earth than anything non-narcotic.
Being a virgin does not mean you need help. It means that other things in your life have priority. Things like HEALTH, maybe. Morals, for those who care about them. Consideration and pregnancy. Sex, especially, perhaps, for females, can be an invasive activity and one that leaves a person open in many different ways. One HAS to have their head together not to get messed up by it.
Even oral sex is sex. Open to everything except conception. I agree with...um...sorry, can't remember, it's late for me...but the mom who says to show and tell WITH PICTURES when talking with her children. I have sons, but pictures and pregnancy will feature heavily with That Talk when the time arrives with each of them. |
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| moonandroses |
| sorry to jump in ,,like this,,, but sex is very important to a persons mental health,,,,,,,,as a menal health nurse i ,make this statement ,, and i am a diagnoised nyphomanic,,so it is life and death to me,, i do however agree to teaching safe sex ,,and agree that 12 and under is too young,,,even though i started having sex much younger:cool: |
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| Miss Angel |
You are entitled to your opinion. But for me sex is and always will be a significant part of my life. I am not a diagnosed nymphomaniac, but I know that sex has always been a release for me. Almost like a drug.
When it comes to children and sex......the best thing to do is teach them. Show them with pictures, with words, etc. Of how sex should be. I have ALWAYS believed that sex should only occur between a married woman and man. But they are going to do as they choose and if you try and hold them back, punish them for things that are a normal part of growing up, it will just make them want to do it more.
I know! My mother was a very religious person and tried to teach me that sex was bad. In our household sex was frowned upon. So, therefore I rebeled against her wishes. It only made me want to experience sex more than ever.
So, that is why I say to educate your children, don't hold them back from "normal" exploration. No, of course I am not going to approve if my young son/daughter comes home and says that they have had sex...no matter what form or fashion. But I am going to tell them that THEY as a person are normal but that activities like that should not occur at their age. And explain to them that sex is something to be shared with someone that you love and not something that should be given away freely. You only have your virginity once and you can NEVER regain it. I think if I can portray sex, not as a bad thing, but rather as something that is good but needs to be saved for that one special person, then my children will not have all the issues that I have had.
Hope that made some sense!
Miss Angel |
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| Miss Angel |
Hang on a sec!
Sandy,
You say that sex is not necessary for mental health, since when? I think that in a normal, loving relationship that sex is VERY healthy.
And no being a virgin does not mean that you need help......who said that?
And yes your priorities must be straight...to have a mentally healthy loving, sexual relationship.
I think that most women do not get messed up by the act of sex itself but rather by the person(s) that they are choosing to have sex with. That is where your priorities and morals come in.
And yes oral sex is SEX and I do not think that anyone here has said that it is OK for thier young son or daughter to participate in it, but rather most have been saying ....basically...that it and things like masterbation, exploration....are a normal part of growing up.
And they are! You can't stop them from doing it, only educate them on the consequences of it. Whether good or bad there is always a price to pay for having sex with someone. If you say that you can stop them.....well....I just know that my mother did not know about my sexual activities until after I moved away from home. Then I told her.
And I do agree with you about sex being invasive and leaving (especially a female) open for several things. But it is up to that person to accept what they get or take it with a grain of salt.
So many women I know are SO F***ed up because of all the wrong choices that they made when they were younger. Why? I don't really understand why they choose to let it affect them. I have been raped, used, abused, and many other things that are not to be said here but my point is that when things like this happen........put them away. Deal with your problems, face the fact that it happened and there is nothing that you can do to change that fact...and MOVE ON! It is that simple to me. I do not let the negative experiences that I have had earlier interfere with the sexual relationship(s) that I have now.
Forgive me If I have gotten carried away.
Miss Angel |
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| Miss Angel |
One point that I have not touched on is abstinence, that is what I will teach my children. Abstaining from sex period before they are of age to handle that responsibility. Teaching them that sex is ok, but that to have sex, to give away your most precious gift, should be something treasured and sacred. Not something given away to JUST anyone.
:D
lifeisjake here (Miss Angel's husband).
She and I are in agreement here. Abstinence will be taught in this house to our children. Still, there is the "do what I say, not what I do" issue. But that will work to our advantage ... Because, like any other married couple we have sex. Good Sex, really great sex, really, really great s.... you get the idea :D. Now, most kids see that and think, "Hey, if my parents can do it, why not me?!"
Howe'er, this can work to our advantage. For, you see, Miss Angel and I Love each other. We can show our kids that you should only have sex with the one you love, NOT the one your with! That, while sex is great, it is only a PART of a loving relationship.
Now, I've read the replies and post's and there are some good points here. I believe that the main point to be made to children is that sex is NOT evil. It is a beautifully romantic experience that for a person's first time should be shared only with that one very special individual. That includes ANY form of sex, oral or otherwise!
I understand that kids will want to experiment and that there is not much we, as parents, can do to control that. I believe that we should "lay the foundations" in the early ages by teaching them good strong morals. That will help the children to make the right decisions when the time comes. The rest just comes down to one simple word ... "TRUST"! We need to be able to trust ourselves and our children, it really is as simple as that!
:D |
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| Weeping Dove |
I agree that sex has become way to much of an everyday, casual occurence. I'm sixteen years old, and I am one of the only virgins in my group of friends, and I don't plan on losing my virginity anytime soon. I get ridiculed for it almost everyday, and don't get me wrong; I have the same amount of hormones running through my body as any other sophmore, and I get just as horny, but the truth is I just haven't reached the right moment in my life to open my body and let a foriegn object (i.e, a penis, tongue, etc.) explore.
I have very strong personal morals, and I don't think it is right to engage in such a personal action with a person whom I do not love, and who does not love me. The fact that I'm scared to death of guys may be a factor as well:p Why go all the way when you can't go back?
We can always blame the media; many TV shows and movies(not to mention the amount of porn we can sometimes find in daddy's closet- personal experiance) shows sex as an erotic dream-come-true in which all of life's problems just seem to vanish. And trust me, with all the problems my friends and I have, I can undersatand why any person would want to be free of worries, if only for twenty minutes. The problem is, none of these shows (with a few exceptions) go so far as to show what the short anf long term effects are. AIDS, herpes, prenancy, some girl's father with a sawed-off shotgun chasing you down a hill threatening to skin you alive after he found you in bed with his daughter, having to LIVE with the fact that your dad now has your boyfriend's skin in front of the fireplace in the place of a bearskin rug.
think about what you say and do in life that could have an affect on how your child thinks about sex. |
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